— Dottie sinclair (+36 20 225 1789)

04:21Tuesday February 16

Min-Ji

Stop sending me pictures of cats with no context.

Slide to reply

James

DOTT. I just saw the cutest dog (well not as cute as Gracie) but so cute.

Slide to reply

>slide to unlock

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00 41 22 364 13 80

— Dottie sinclair (+36 20 225 1789) Hxwt

Round like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning, on an ever spinning reel. Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind.

I think The Thomas Crown affair would have been shit without that song.

It's wrong thou. There is an end to every circle and even memories fade away.

00 41 22 364 13 80

The point of a circle is that it has no end and no beginning.

But circles can be broken. There's a whole song about it.

Do you think Vicky should have gone with him at the end?

This was never meant to end well.

Or even begin. If you stick to the idea of a circle.

For the song, are you talking about the one from The Friends of Distinction or the old Christian hymn ?

Because if it's that one the whole point of it is a question. Will or will it not be unbroken. That does not really help our little theories does it.

00 41 22 364 13 80

I'd rather not make theories.

Sometimes I dream of things that that will be, that could be, that might have been.

Sometimes you're there, sometimes you're not.

It does feel pointless. When our lives are so long and yet our options so narrow. They should be endless.

What are you listening to? I only feel you like that when you're listening to music.

I'd like to know more about the times I'm there.

That's the whole point Dorothy, it's just an illusion. Only our bodies are endless.

Right now one of yours.

But is it really you, or just a memory of you.

An entire different person.

00 41 22 364 13 80

Does it make real, if I tell you?

Would rather pretend you don't know?

Can't I be both?

Most of the time I don't feel like her. She seems so innocent, so whole.

But she died, didn't she?

You're the first thing I saw. It was dark, then there was you. You were there. You stay sometimes in what could have been.

It's nice, could have been.

Better than was.

It fits what we are.

James

Tonight, I'd like you to wear one of your most beautiful dresses. We're going out at the Baraka's restaurant. tinyheart

(gosh I did it, I've put a smiley on a text)

James

Tonight, I'd like you to wear one of your most beautiful dresses. We're going out at the Baraka's restaurant. tinyheart

(gosh I did it, I've put a smiley on a text)

In the middle of the week? Are you feeling guilty about something?

Did the cute barista at the coffee shop hit on you again?

Is this a date? Are you trying to seduce me?

You know me, I never say no to food. You're paying btw. And I'm getting champagne.

I'm proud of you, about the smiley. But you still locked yourself out the computer this morning.

So don't get too cocky Lawrence.

No, why should I feel guilty ? I did nothing except pissing off Min this morning.

The barista ? Are you saying he or she has a crush on me or you meant hit like... A punch in my face, literally ?

Of course it's a date, you know seducing you is what I'm willing to do every day of my life. cutie

We'll have champagne for sure.

The computer doesn't like me, I prefer maps. Paper maps.

James

Min is always pissed off, I wouldn't take it personally.

James, you're so lucky you're cute sometimes. Of course he's crushing on you, you're a snack. You're a whole meal. Only Iván wants to punch you in the face. And I'm not sure it's not a weird homoerotic thing you two have going on.

Consider me already seduced. Then it will be a dress with no panties.

Ah yes, paper maps, like that time we got lost in Morocco and ypu wouldn't let me look up for directions on google maps. Care to remind me why we got lost?

Because your damn paper map was outdated. AND HAD BEEN OUTDATED FOR 75 YEARS.

...I did nothing with the barista guy. I didn't even noticed... And... What do you mean for Ván ?

Forget it, I don't wanna know. I don't understand and that's better. I guess...

A dress without panties... Are you saying you want us to play truth or dare once again ? I think I lost last time. My pants, actually. I lost my pants.

I tried my best with those maps. Not my fault if they wanted some kind of a highway that wasn't there before... I have new maps now.

Minmin

Why do you keep sending me those pictures ?

Minmin

The nude pictures were an accident and it only happened once.

You don't like receiving cat pictures Min? They are cute. Some one them look kinda like you as well.

We agreed to never talk about those, Dorothy.

I don't. I'm not a cat.

Ván

It has been a while since we saw you in Budapest.

I guess asking you how you are doing is pointless. Even if I care.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say Iván.

Is it weird that I miss you, even if I can feel you all the time? I shouldn't be missing you.

You don't have to answer. Of course you don't.

Would you hate me if I did not reply ?

I feel it's so easy sometimes, to just hate someone.

Why do you want an answer you already know Dottie ? Is it because you feel less guilty by asking me instead of feeling my guts in yours ?

Missing me is the best thing you can feel about me.

Ván

I feel a lot of things about you. Some of them are good, most of them are not. Not a single one of them is hatred, not even slightly. Not ever.

Why would I hate you Iván? Maybe it would be easier for you, for both of us. But I don't.

I can't. I tried.

I don't think you ever called me Dottie before.

Would you rather I keep calling you Dorothy ?

Hating me is not easier.

I know, I've already tried.

I wish we would start dreaming about someone else. So you wouldn't be stuck with me.

Ván

No, I quite like it.

I'm just wondering what it would sound like, in your mouth.

And you with me.

Not all the dreams are bad.

Do you really wish it would stop?

I'm not sure what I would do if it did.

I'm used to it. Used to you.

And I'm sorry about that.

About occupying a part of your mind.

"What is dark within me illumine."

I don't think Milton is right on that one.

I think you're still sinking when you're feeling that part of you that is me.

Ván

Do you remember the song? I used to love that song so much. I used to sing it to my baby. I learned later than they can ear music, from the womb. I hope it calmed her down, when we sank. James told me it was a girl. I didn’t know that.

I hope it was painless.

It wasn’t painless for me. But you already know that. Somehow, you were already there.

Having you with me is painful, sometimes. But not like this. Never like this. I wouldn’t give it away for the world. It’s not sinking, it’s barely holding my breath, knowing that the surface is so close I can reach it.

Do you feel it as well. Please Iván, tell me how does it feel when I’m with you.

Why do you insist on giving me ways to hurt you ?

I always thought you were scared of me. It's what I've always felt, after the relief that filled you that day when you first saw me.

Then it was never ever again "dream a little dream of me".

How did we get so dark Dottie ?

Is that what you want me to ask ?

Because I don't know and I'd rather rip off my heart than having an answer for that "we" that is meant to be something else than the cancer on which we both like to feed.

Ván

Maybe because despite all of this, I know that you wouldn’t try to hurt me. Even if you could. And you could.

You could ruin me, destroy me. Burn everything to the ground, leave only scorched earth in your wake.

Yet you don’t.

Of course I’m scared of you Iván. I’m scared of the power you hold over me. I’m scared that I don’t care.

Iván, my own personal little tumor, always with me. So deep inside my brain, you never leave. Everywhere yet nowhere.

Iván, how could I not be scared of you when you burn so bright it’s blinding.

It’s not dark, it’s a fucking light show.

If I'm a light to you then snuffing it out will be all much easier.

I've come a long way in the art of removing myself from the lives of others.

You make no exception.

I don't want that power over you that you are giving me credit for.

Don't call me to the light when all I ever wanted was the darkness.

One day the tumor will be gone and you will realise that you are free.

Until then, I'm a sorry for everything, Dorothy.

Ván

Are you afraid you would answer if I tried hard enough? Would it be so bad Iván? I know why I’m afraid of you Iván. But why are you so afraid of me?

You pushed me away from the start. Dropped me right into his arms and left.

You didn’t even say a word, yet you were all I could hear. I can still hear you now.

I know that sometimes you drive in the country, in that fancy car of yours, I can smell the lake and the dirt and the cigarette smoke, the leather from the seats and your cologne.

I know when you are going to bed to her, the disgust when you touch her body, I don’t know if you hate her or yourself more.

Maybe you are right. Maybe I’m giving you too much power. Maybe I don’t want to be free.

Do I haunt you as much as you haunt me?

Is that how terrible you feel me ?

Then I was right to push you away into his arms.

Ván

Is there ever a good answer with you Iván?

I will not help you hurt yourself.

I’m not him. He is better than me, better than all of us. I would have let you jump.

I have no interest in trying to save you.

Don’t presume to know how I feel you.

How my body feels you sometimes as well. The ghost touch of your skin, sometimes I dream about that too. You don’t want to hear that. But maybe you show know. That this is how I feel you as well.

Why do you keep trying to reach me if you're neither interested in saving or hurting me ?

See Dottie I think you are just trying to learn that fire burns.

They told you it does but you did not wanted to believe them. You had to see it for yourself because despite everything you cannot remove the hope from the sonbird's songs even when winter ruins everything.

You wanted to know what I feel, in that small part of me that is you ?

I feel how much you think that you don't deserve any of this, that there's a stain within you that's ready to eclipse the sunshine you try to be. That eventually you will ruin everything because despite immortality you feel fleeting, a breath away from losing yourself.

It's me Dottie, that stain within you. You don't have to go looking for it each day or anywhere else.

So you don't want me to assume how you feel that thing that is us ?

I don't presume anything because I feel it everyday, every second and every cursed breath.

Ván

Is the world divided between people trying to hurt you or save you?

The rot was there before you. Before the trunk and the blood and the way you thought about killing me the first time you looked into my eyes. How you thought yourself merciful.

Maybe I was born wicked. Birthed into violence twice.

It’s best indeed, that you abandoned me like a fucking cumbersome package. Left someone else deal with the mess.

I saw it, how we could consume each other. Only ashes left. But I wish you would see the flames, how beautiful they burn, how they warm your skin and shine into your eyes.

Of course, I hope. It’s all we have left.

You were right earlier. I don't have to answer to you and I shouldn't have.

I have burned enough already for many lifetimes. I do not wish to see the world burn anymore.

I left you with someone that could take care of you, not destroy you.

If hope is all there is left, then I hope you do have a nice eternal life Dorothy.